so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
