hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
