i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
