Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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