giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
