guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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