Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
