We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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