Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
