He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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