I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
