I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
