Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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