I can tuck mytits in my pants
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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