i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Your dad touched me again.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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