Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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