She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
