In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
