You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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