My cat gives me a boner
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
