I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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