We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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