weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
