nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
