I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
