how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
