Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
