How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
