May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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