He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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