I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
