Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You ruined the universe
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
