apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
