I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
