I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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