we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
