I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
