Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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