i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
