You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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