Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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