is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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