I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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