Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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