i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
