Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
