help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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