she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
