fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
