i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
