Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
